The End or the Beginning??

There used to be a Teleserial called "Chunauti" -the subject was drug-abuse amongst youngsters.Those were the days of Doordarshan serials- Rich in content but average in execution, less expensive production sets etc. I remember a very poignant scene in the serial-the protagonist, a young guy of about twentyfive who has been doing drugs, and is on the brink of realisation that he is on a path of no return and needs a push to change tracks-The push came unexpectedly -he takes a vacation to Kanya Kumari-our country's southern most tip which boasts of the confluence of the 2 seas and one ocean which flank our coasts- he sees the sea all around and a slice of land- and asks a lady painting nearby- "Is this the end- I see vast endless sea all around..where do I go from here......?" Without looking at him, she replied- " Depends on how you look it it....I see it as the beginning of life..The deeps end and- bright, green pastures begin where there is light, life and Hope". That was the turning point in his life.
Though I was a child when this serial used to be telecasted- I remember this scene well enough.
We all have such phases in Life- when Hope gets dim , where we start to doubt our own purpose of existence. But What is Life without Hope and what is Hope without Faith.
Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark..... But the very existence of dawn signifies that there is a morning soon to come.

My friend's brother passed away in the Kargil War- He died a Heroes' Death and the nation mourned with the Family -but soon after the beagles stopped blowing for the Martyr-the Family were left alone with their grief- the silence was deafening.But somewhere Hope and Faith were still burning faintly, and today after more than 6 years a tiny bundle of joy has entered their lives mitigating all their sorrows, the shadows of the past remain , but the darkness is gone-For Good.

My another experience with Bright Hope- He is my friend's friend- That evening we had Pizzas together. The next day he met with an accident-Doctors gave their verdict-Paralysed for life- Irrepairable damage to spinal cord. I remember the day I went to see him at the hospital-We were all trying hard to hide our tears- and he smiled at us" Damn i hate the hospital food!!" Perhaps his guardian angel woke up- perhaps he fired his guardian angel and took up the job himself- His indomitable spirit remained unscathed and This man leads a happy life today- His Wheelchair cannot bind his free mind and will.

And here I am -Sitting and Cribbing about a Bad Day@ Work

Wake up Mishi- Go....Run....Catch...The Bus......Before it is too late:)

Home

Home is where Maa and Baba are- the only 2 people in this world who love u more than u love yourself. I have always been the black sheep of the family( am not being humble). As a child I was naughty and that is a understatement in itself.
During my growing years i did show some spark of brilliance as a student, debater, quizzer, monitor of the class etc but all those achievements were eclipsed by my umpteen misdeeds and pranks.As a sibling I have always been a rebel. My elder brother(God Bless him) certainly deserved a better behaved sister. Add to this all the illnesses i managed to gather-jaundice, typhoid , chicken pox-the list is endless. All those actions that I used to take from granted- the presence of my parents close to my sick bed, baba buying me things on my mere asking for them, maa cooking for us, bearing our tantrums....Man!!! when i think about it-i just wonder-what stuff are parents made of??? How does God make them-that they have such tremendous capacity to shower love, be so loving and caring, and so patient and so forgiving-the list is endless....I always argue my with my Maa on various issues-we always have conflicting views on almost everything and yet she is always there to worry about me , to listen to my endless complains about work and other issues in life, she is the one who is always buying me jewellery and sarees, she is very easily able to detect the tremor in my voice when i am having a fever.I have been away from home since the last 5 years and each day i more and more realise the value of home, the value of having a loving and caring family.

Oh God forgive me when i whine, I have a loving family and the world is mine

Self Pity

I keep telling everyone-Don't indulge in Self Pity. Why am I so insistent on the same?? What does it matter to me if people are feeling sorry for themselves. Well the answer is I nearly spoiled my life drowning myself in dollops of self pity- now it seems like a long time ago.....the Year in which I lost everything except my life I guess- I lost a academic year, lost my health and more importantly( or so I think) my self esteem.
Hypo-Thyroidism-Nice big medical name-For me it meant -growing obese, losing sleep and appetite, being drowsy and tired at all times and also grumpy, sad, and extremely depressed. How did I manage to get into that condition- I refer to the mental symptoms- I dunno-maybe it was the teenage or maybe the peer pressure. My poor cat-how many times would I kick her in frustation-and yet she would keep coming back to sit beside me- A very important lesson learnt in life- your loved ones dont love you for your looks or your achievements-Don't be mean to them because you are going through a lean patch.
Well Sorry God- I have been a bad girl- but now I am trying to behave better and also trying to make others not go through the same route .
And Thank You Mom, Dad and Dadabhai for being such wonderful people and my dear little Cat-SORRY

Oh God forgive me when I whine
I have a lovely life and the world is mine:)

Blues

I am sad today....as I have been for the past few weeks.
I seem to be in a state of partial ennui. Work doesnt interest me-neither does anything else. I avoid talking to him-who loves me so much. I know I am causing him pain...but am not really improving on my behaviour. Mundane things disturb me like never before .And all the bigger aspects of life remain unattended to. Where on earth am I heading to?Pranayam doesnt comfort me today-the way it used to do earlier.
Am stressed for no reason...no cause...........why am I living in denial........
Maybe my friend is right-I need a break , a vacation....
Lemme post this before I feel too lazy and bored to do this:)