7 Tactics for women to call it Quits

"Sayonara." "Get lost." "We need to talk..." Whether you're looking to lessen the sting or hit 'em with your best shot, the following techniques are sure to accomplish the trickiest part of any relationship: ending it.

The "We Need to Talk" Talk
A State of the Union address is recommended for anyone wishing to secede, so to speak, with some semblance of dignity.
Pros: Talking things over can soothe hurt feelings and potentially salvage the friendship.
Cons: Brace yourself for histrionics, notes Lynda Twardowski, 31, from Traverse City, MI. "When I finally managed to peel the guy off me, tears streamed down his face and he babbled like a madman."
Ouch factor: Three Band-Aids

The "Dear John"
Who needs a messy confrontation when a note, email or well-timed voice mail can spare you from having to witness the devastation?
Pros: Composing your thoughts lets you control the situation. "I'm a big fan of the 'Dear John' letter," says Megan Lane Patrick, age 30, of Cincinnati. "That way, I can make all my points without crying or forgetting what I want to say."
Cons: Sure, it's the coward's route. But, considering you'll likely be vilified regardless, what's one more strike against you?
Ouch factor: Two Band-Aids

The Downsize
Going on hiatus gives you the green light to see other people while letting you ease out of the relationship under the guise of "needing space."
Pros: A time-out isn't as catastrophic as a full-fledged breakup, since it offers a sliver of hope that the relationship might eventually resume. Plus, it leaves the door open for booty calls.
Cons: Having to envision each other with someone else is emotionally taxing for lovers in limbo. "Every time I went on a new date, I kept wondering if she was out with someone new, too," says Mike Fowler, 33, of Los Angeles. "It drove me nuts."
Ouch factor: Two Band-Aids

The Fizzle
Whether you conveniently "forget" an anniversary or wait days to return an email, your general apathy will soon make it obvious that your boots are made for walkin'.
Pros: If you're on the same page, the mutual fade-out can be painless, says Lynn Reynolds, 32, of Covington, KY: "We told each other, 'Give me a call,' but we knew we'd had enough of each other. Neither of us called and there were no hurt feelings."
Cons: Some people just don't get subtle brush-offs. If your ex is the determined sort, you'll need to invest in caller ID.
Ouch factor: One Band-Aid

Dumping by Proxy
Not keen on the business of crushing souls? In the immortal words of Dionne Warwick, that's what friends are for.
Pros: Passing the buck is easier than getting your own hands dirty. Heck, maybe your friend and your ex will hit it off!
Cons: You're only adding insult to injury by having a random third party be witness to your ex's humiliation, as Jessica Callahan, 32, from Bristol, CT, attests. "I was shocked and embarrassed," she notes, after her boyfriend's buddy told her she was history. "But I wasn't angry. That would come later when I realized it was the only explanation I would get."
Ouch factor: Four Band-Aids

The Blame Game
Breaking up is easier when you can provoke the other person to initiate it for you.
Pros: Abdicating all responsibility puts you in the clear, says Michele Pezzuti, 31, of Staten Island, NY: "I waited till my boyfriend did something minor, then made a big stink about it so he could be to blame, thus making the breakup his fault."
Cons: Heaping guilt on someone else just to avoid your own verges on "evil genius" territory. Yet if your partner has the patience of a saint, getting him or her to dump you can be near i impossible.
Ouch factor: Three Band-Aids

The Alien Abduction
Of course, if all else fails, consider the good old-fashioned vanishing act.
Pros: Hiding lets you avoid confrontation, notes Angela Gleeson, 25, of Newburgh, NY, who remembers her own "one that got away" in the very literal sense. "He was supposed to get to my place at 8, and he just never showed. I called him several times, but he never called back. I've never heard from him since."
Cons: You'll invariably leave your ex wondering if you got in an accident or were kidnapped, prompting him or her to show up at your place in a frenzy or call the cops to report a missing person. Plus, you'll feel like a total heel if you ever accidentally cross paths with that person again.
Ouch factor: Five Band-Aids


Authored by-Amy Helmes and Meg Leder